Sybiosis and Humanity

Symbiosis and Humanity.

Current mood:trancedental

The more I think about people the more I realize that a lot of them are very lonely. Even those who have families a lot of the time. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that people value things more than other people in many instances and that in itself can be very isolating. We as a modern society spend a lot of time 'providing' for our families and ourselves but rarely take the time to schedule in time for ourselves and our families. We are a very distracted and confused people.
Can we all take a step back from our hustle to appreciate who we are for a moment?
What do we really need? What are we neglecting? How can we prioritize what is important?

People need people. Pride and separation and false egos separate us. We go on
living in this masquerade trying to see who is the best at pretending. Why is it so normal to have to fake who we are? Why is this encouraged? Does it make me a misfit because I can't see the point in all of it? Hello?....

Symbiosis. The flow of energies between organisms. We all want to be needed, we want to have others to rely on. We deny what really matters underneath all of this fallacy. We want to deny our humanity. Companionship and understanding beyond words or thoughts. Home in another's heart.

I want you stop for a moment. I want you to breathe. I want you to find what really drives you and what you are passionate about.

I put faith in our ability to manifest our happiness.

New beginnings

Well we did go ahead and buy this house. We live in it now. What a change. I have- space-.
Its kind of wonderfully ominous. Storage beyond compare. A. formal. dining. room. Yeah.

Im pretty proud of myself. I worked really hard to get this house. Even though I didnt actually
put a lot of money in it myself but I did all the legwork and the housework and the baby watching so I feel completely justified in saying I worked really hard. That was a really bad run on sentence. Its all good though. Im finally allowing myself to let the sense of accomplishment sink in. Its also creating a sense of a turning point in time for me like. as. GULP. A grown up.

I first started noticing these lovely little lines everywhere under my eyes a few months ago but since I have better lighting now they are looking deeper. Fortunately for me, I sell AVON so I have access to good creams. I smear them on with a prayer. All of those things they said bad about becoming a parent and having to have patience and being an adult are coming true. But, I feel more prepared for challenges that would have otherwise rendered me helpless. Life experience is now my most cherished tool. Taking advantage of and appreciating life's wisdom will no doubt lead to more of it.

I miss everyone. I want to just go visit all of my relatives and like schedule out who to see on what weekend. Wow that would overwhelm the crap out of the old hubby. I do really feel that way though. I must broaden my horizons and reinvent myself. I have this fantastic closet now. It is my little temple to my sanity. When I walk in, I feel like I have so many options and life is looking up. It has helped me to reshape the way I look at myself and I am grateful for such a truly reflective mirror. I've become unswervingly aware that life is extremely short. My baby just turned a year old and I feel like Im still having contractions. I know more surely than I know anything else, that the years do not slow down. Embrace every moment.

If I seem distant and aloof please remember my heart is constant.
My brain is too fast for my hands and my mouth and I must remember
to filter out what is important.

Love and wishing positivity.

Ash

One word

One word

Putting down the first thing that comes to mind. Where is your cell phone………………..none
Your hair…………………………………clean
Your father………………………………wigga
Your favorite thing………………………sushi
Your dream last night……………………strange
Your favorite drink……………………….brew
Your dream/goal…………………………happy
The room you are in……………………..laundry
Your fear…………………………………alone
Where do you want to be in 6 years…….kindergarten
Muffins…………………………………..awesome
One of your wish list items………………furniture
Where you grew up……………………..Fresno
The last thing you did……………………Jesse
What are you wearing…………………..ugly
Your TV…………………………………..old
Your pets…………………………………stinky
Your computer……………………………controls
Your life…………………………………..project
Your mood………………………………..boredom
Missing someone………………………….Nanerz
Your car…………………………………..TRUCK
Favorite store…………………………….ikea
Your summer……………………………..Sweltering
Your favorite color……………………….chartreuse
When is the last time you laughed……….now
Last time you cried……………………….yesterday
Three of my favorite foods………………sushi,lobster,steak
Three places I would rather be right now.. Beach,forest,bar

holy crap I think Im gonna buy a house.

I think there's no time like the present. Back when I had a paying job (cause being a full time mom IS A JOB thank you very much) we almost bought a house but would have only been able to get a sub prime option ARM mortgage. By the grace of GOD at the very end when escrow was going through the bank pulled out. If we would have got that home, we would have purchased a house that would be worth 80,000 dollars LESS now. Yeah like WHOA. So the median price for homes in our liking has dropped 100k. Houses are about as cheap as they are going to get and I am gonna snag me one. We are currently renting a house that is about 90 years old and let me tell you, it feels 90 years old. This old hag needs an overhaul. Its probably been a rental now for 20 years and I don't think anyone has cared much about it for that time. Despite my best scrubbing and bleaching efforts- I hate it. I hate it I hate It I HATE IT. There are paint chips randomly falling off the walls and I have a very mobile 9 month old. Nuff said.

So, we're meeting with someone from the Bank monday to see if we can qualify for
a Federal Housing Authority loan. If all goes well we will be shopping here soon for a new
domicile.

I cant wait to demo some walls and put in my jetted tub. Yeah baby.

Wish me luck!