Life is fast and time is precious. Sometimes I feel like I lose myself in all of it,
that what I want and need becomes forgotten in my own mind, behind responsibility and
obligation- something I remember whilst lying awake in bed. I try to figure it out, what it
is I want, and that can always seems to take up more time than actually going out and getting
it. I can be so wishy washy, so mercurial. I need more time to sit like this and reflect,
and be grateful. I need more opportunity to ponder my immense luck, and wonderful life, and be thankful for all that is in it.
Romance, the chase, the thing that keep you wanting. It is so hard to define for me. Things that used to keep me interested when I was eighteen bore me now. I want more challenges, I need more interaction. I really have no desire to acquire things or go to fancy places- my imagination is quite capable of taking me where I need to be- I just need the spark, it seems. I need to be taken by the hand and led somewhere. To be invited into the moment. It's all in the effort. Such an elusive thing is difficult for me to understand, let alone communicate to the one who I am expecting it from.
Love is that thing that goes without saying, love is why we are in the moment. Romance is the action we take when the moment calls for it. Hollywood has tried to put a definition on this concept, and has subsequently warped many women's minds it seems. I think if the media was to ask women what they want more instead of telling them it would work a bit better. Nevertheless it is a touchy and somewhat misunderstood topic, and true love is what keeps the partners interested in maintaining the romance, in true interest and love vested in the other.
It's all in the eyes now. In stolen glances and hushed gasps. When I am tired and the day has taken it's toll on me, romance is cool glass of water I am handed. In the sweet way he brushes my hair from my cheek on my way out the door.
Sometimes, it's just the way he makes our son laugh and takes such good care of him. When we are in the market and he reaches for my hand. When he calls me on his lunch break just to hear what his son and I ate for breakfast. It's all the little things that are everything, that mean
so much to me. Things that I don't have a lot of time to stop and think about like this. Those things are all of what makes up every day's happiness, and what keeps me going from moment to moment.
I've stopped trying to use the word, 'romantic'- it seems so loaded. Instead, I am trying to get to the point where I don't have to say anything at all. I'm trying to achieve a point where I can clear the day for my man and I , and the rest will take care of itself. The whole concept is overrated, personally. All the cliched played out ideals of what romance should be has murdered the meaning. I want to live my life never having to think I might want something I can't have. I need to be able to see every beautiful moment with my love as magical as the next. That determination is what will keep my love alive. Every kiss, every smile, will prove that. I am grateful for this moment to remember this.
